ZIM And Dib Play UNO
by Demonic Irken
Summary: Zim and Dib are at Dib's house playing a not-so-relaxing game of UNO.
1. Chapter 1

Zim and Dib sat in the human's garage one day, playing UNO.

"Skip!" Shouted Dib, slapping down an UNO card. He kept at it. "SKIP! Skip! Oh hey, guess what, Zim?"

"What, Dib-beast?" Zim muttered through his teeth, fists shaking in anger.

Dib smirked. "I got some more SKIPS for you!" He yelled, laying down three more skip cards.

Zim groaned, pulling at his face skin in irritation.

Dib smiled. "You look like you're trying to rip your skin off!" He started laughing.

He slapped down another card. "Draw Two!" He kept slapping down cards. "Also, draw two more! And two more!"

Zim sighed and drew six cards from the pile on the table in front of them. He sighed again and muttered to himself, glancing at Dib, who had his arms crossed with a smirk on his face. Zim wanted to smack him so bad.

"What's the color again?" He asked.

"Blue or a five," Dib answered smugly.

Zim nodded. "Here is a three to counter your five."

Dib put down a yellow five. "I counter your five with another five!"

Zim shook his head and began drawing.

Two minutes later, Zim was still drawing from the pile.

"COME ON PILE, JUST GIVE ME A BLUE OR A FIVE ALREADY!" The Irken screamed at the deck of cards, standing up and kicking the table in anger, stubbing his toes.

Dib was laughing and howling like a banshee at this point, banging his fists on the ground and crying from laughter. Zim slammed down a blue card.

"SHUT UP, DIB-BEAST!" Zim yelled at him angrily, throwing the rest of his cards at Dib's face. "I'm trying to win!"

"Well, you're doing a terrible job so far," Dib said as he stood up and sat back down in his chair, wiping at his eyes. "This is fun. We should do this every week."

"We should NOT do this every week!" Zim muttered while he picked up his cards and pouted. "Who's turn is it?"

"I think it's my turn," Dib said, picking a WILD card from his pile. "Okay, draw four now, and the color is Red."

Zim stood up and threw his chair out of the garage. "THAT'S ANOTHER COLOR THAT I DON'T HAVE!"

He started throwing his UNO cards all over the garage, yelling in Irken. Dib started laughing again.

He collected himself long enough to ask, "Hey, what do you think the odds are that I'd get enough for you to draw ten?"

Zim shrugged as he began drawing from the pile again. "I don't know, Dib-beast. And I don't really care!"

Dib smirked. "Well, guess what, space monster?" He started slapping down cards. "Draw two, draw two, draw two, draw two, AAANNND, DRAW TWO!"

Zim's mouth dropped open in shock. "But I already have HALF THE DECK!" He yelled. He showed Dib his thick pile of cards. "Look at this!"

Dib shrugged. "Not my problem, space boy."

Zim growled and drew from the pile again, swearing at Dib in Irken. He got a few good cards, but nothing to ensure a victory against Dib. "I'm going to get a snack."

He got a Licky-Stick from his fridge and headed back outside. He sneaked up behind Dib, who was drawing cards from the pile.

"BOO!" He screamed in his ear.

Dib screamed and threw his cards up into the air in fear. Zim began laughing.

"I'm totally gonna win," The disgusting Urth boy said.

"No, you're not." Zim replied, trying not to punch his giant head in.

"Yes I am," Dib said.

"Never!"

"I totally am!"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!" Zim yelled out in anger and picked Dib up by the waist, tossing him over the fence and into the neighbor's pool.

Dib screamed as he was drenched in freezing cold water. Now Zim was the one cackling like the Emperor from Star Wars.

"Pathetic! Just like your giant head!" Zim yelled as he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week, they played at Zim's house.

Dib's phone kept vibrating and dinging in his pocket because he was addicted to Twitter and followed thousands of people.

Ding! went his phone. It stopped for a few minutes, until… DING DING DING DING DING!

It dinged twenty times in a row.

Zim put down his cards and sighed. "Dib, I swear to Irk, if you do not silence that stupid contraption of yours, I will smash it to pieces and make you watch!"

Dib's eyes grew wide with shock. "No, you can't! I need it to call Gaz and Dad!"

"You know what, I wasn't going to do this, but you've pushed me over the edge." Zim growled as he slammed down a card. "Draw Four, and the color is Green!"

"But ZIIIIIIIM!" Dib whined. "I was gonna win!"

"DIIIIIB!" Zim mocked in a high-pitched voice. "I don't care! Just draw already!"

The human sighed in defeat and did as he was told.

Zim put down three Draw Two's, and Dib groaned super loudly.

"Ha! That's what you deserve for making me Draw TEN cards last week!" The Irken said victoriously.

Dib glared at him angrily. "I hate you so much right now."

Zim giggled gleefully. "Oh, I know you do, Dib-stink. No human hates me as much as you." He patted his pockets. "Hey, give me your phone. Mine is at my base."

"No, you can't have it!" Dib shouted, holding his phone protectively against his chest. "Your hands are still greasy from whatever you were eating before we started!"

"ZIM DEMANDS YOU GIVE HIM YOUR PHONE THIS INSTANT!"

"What will you do if I don't?" Dib asked, smirking.

"I will.." Zim glanced around, eyes settling on the human's cards. "I'll get my greasy hands all over your cards, and then YOUR hands will be greasy!"

Dib stared at him blankly. "Really? That's it?"

"Do not question the genius of ZIM!" The Irken shouted at him as he stood up and flipped the table over, spilling the cards all over the ground.

"Zim, what the hell was that about?!" Dib yelled, shocked.

"I just felt like flipping over a table, and this just happened to be the closest one, Dib-stink!" Zim argued. "It is my current mood."

"Flipping over tables is not an emotion, Zim!" Dib argued back as he fixed the mess and began picking up the cards. "Now we have to start the game over!"

"It's an emotion if I say it is!" Zim replied dismissively as he flipped the table a second time. "It is a new feeling that I've just now invented!"

Dib groaned. "You can't invent feelings, Zim! They come naturally depending on the situation!"

"Sure you can! Right now I'm feeling Flapsoodiloys!"

"That's not a word, Zim!"

Zim stood with his tiny hands clenched and his face seething with anger. "Oh yeah? Well… SHUT UP!"

"Oh, real original, alien scum!" The human shot back as he sat back down. "Now please stop trying to break my…" He shook the table and sighed. "Great, now its wobbly! I hope you're happy, Zim!"

Zim grinned and sat back, putting his boots on the table's surface. "Oh yes, I am very happy with this current predicament! Watching you suffer is my favorite thing to do, you know."

Dib sighed. "Yes, I know. You've only told me a hundred thousand times! TODAY!"

"I'm just reminding you is all." Zim said, still grinning. "Also, look what I have!"" He held up Dib's phone and shook it playfully.

The human gasped. "Aw, you're touching it! Stop that right now! And while you're at it, get your disgusting boots off of the table! I don't want your alien germs infecting me!"

He ran around to Zim's side of the tale and tried to frantically grab the phone out of the alien's hands. "Now give it back! I NEED MY TWITTER!"

Zim scoffed. "Your obsession with this 'Twitter' is pathetic! It is making you waste valuable time with which you could be using to listen to me and my brilliant schemes!"

The phone started loudly dinging and vibrating again as messages began showing up on the screen. Dib glanced at it and started breathing heavily while his body started to shake from withdrawal.

Zim continued talking. "Furthermore, I also- WILL THIS THING JUST BE QUIET FOR ONE SECOND!" He screamed, smashing the phone against the tabletop. "How do you turn this thing off? It's driving me crazy!"

Dib grabbed the phone and took it back, laughing. "VICTORY! VICTORY FOR MEEEE!" He immediately started scrolling through his Twitter.

Zim reached over to Dib's side and snatched the cards and started to examine them. "Hm, good cards you have here. Wait, you have SIX Wild cards and EIGHT Draw Two's?! How is that even possible?!"

Dib snatched his cards back angrily. "You're not supposed to look at the other person's cards, Zim! That's cheating!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS CHEATING!" The alien yelled as he pointed at Dib. "I DEMAND A REMATCH!"

"You also can't just demand a rematch whenever the game isn't going the way you want it to!" The human argued. "It doesn't work that way!"

The Irken pulled at his antenna in frustration. "Fine! I quit! Let me know when you're ready to play fair!" He turned and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Dib asked.

"Back to my base! I'm sick of you always changing the rules!"

"I'm not! That's how you're supposed to play the damn game!" Dib said, beginning to get exasperated.

Zim ignored him and kept walking towards his base, thinking about how big Dib's head was again.


	3. Chapter 3

Dib entered Zim's house and sat down on the couch. The alien was not around, so he decided to wait.

After a few minutes, Dib's stomach growled, so he got up and went into the kitchen area to look for something to eat while he waited for the Irken to return.

He rummaged through the cupboards, muttering to himself. "Really, Zim? All you have is soup and cereal?"

Then something else caught his eye, near the back of the cupboard.

Dib smiled. "Ooooh, hot chocolate!"

He grabbed it immediately and started to open the box. "And it's triple chocolate flavor! SWEET!"

He grabbed a clean coffee cup from the dishwasher and had just started polluting the chocolate powder into the cup when GIR walked in.

The robot's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and he started to whimper as a sad look came over him. Dib stopped.

"What?" He asked, getting confused. "What's the problem?"

GIR slowly lifted his arm and pointed at the box of hot chocolate.

Dib looked down at it. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Th- that's MINE!" GIR finally yelled out, beginning to cry and sob like a baby.

Dib rolled his eyes so hard that he thought he would go blind. He scoffed, filling up the cup with hot water and stirring the drink with a spoon as he poured the powder into it. "Well, it's just one cup! Can't you just let me-"

"MASTER!" GIR suddenly yelled out, screaming at the top of his non-existent lungs. "HE'S DRINKING OUR STUFF!"

"WHAT?!" Came the response from below. Dib heard the sound of hydraulics as the alien ascended.

"Say again, GIR?" Zim asked as he stepped out of the toilet/elevator and into the kitchen area.

Gir pointed at Dib. "He ate the dark smokey things!"

"The what?" Zim asked, a confused look on his face. Then he looked over at Dib. "Do you know what he's… talking…. About…? Dib, why do you have the hot chocolate?"

The human glanced from Zim back to his cup of hoe chocolate. Bringing the drink to his lips, he started to guzzle it like a maniac, burning his mouth and throat.

Zim shook his head. "Unbelievable! First, you come in WITHOUT KNOCKING like I've told you to do a hundred times before, and now you're helping yourself to my food and drinks?!"

Dib sighed. "Zim, cool it, okay? It's not a big deal, I just got hungry, and then I came in here to look for a snack, but you didn't have anything I wanted. So I had this!" He said, holding up his coffee cup.

"I will not 'cool it' Dib!" Zim said, beginning to raise his voice a little bit. "That hot chocolate was for Gir and I to consume while watching television together during our down time, and here you are chugging it like you've been trapped in the desert for three weeks!"

Dib groaned "Okay, first of all, that's a terrible analogy. Second, I thought you wouldn't mind if I drank just ONE cup! You're usually so lax about these kinds of things now!"

Zim sighed. "You know what, I don't want to argue about this right now." He went into the living room and got the cards. "Sit down at the table so we can play our game now."

The human grinned and quickly sat down while Zim sorted the cards, giving each of them seven cards.

He sipped the rest of his hot chocolate, the sounds getting louder each time.

Dib also started smacking his lips every time he swallowed, and he could tell that Zim was starting to get annoyed with him. Then he remembered that he had some socks with bells on them from Christmas last year, and he got those out and kicked off his shoes.

Zim scowled at him. "What are you doing now?!"

Dib grinned. "Just changing my socks." He put down a red five when it was his turn.

While Zim pondered his next move, The human went back to loudly sipping his drink.

"Can you drink any LOUDER?!" Zim screeched.

"Sure I can!" Dib laughed. He slurped his drink as loud as he could, making the former Irken Invader grimace in annoyance. "Like that, see?"

Zim sighed and got up, going into the kitchen area.

"What are you doing in there?" Dib demanded.

"I am locking the cupboards so you can't get into any more of my food!" Zim shouted back. "You're driving me insane!"

"I thought you were ALREADY insane!" Dib shot back with a smile.

"Ha ha! That's SOOO funny, Dib!" The alien said sarcastically. "You should be a comedian!"

The child giggled and looked back at him. "I'd be great at it, too!"

"No, you wouldn't." Zim said as he came back into the living room and sat back in his chair. "You'd be so terrible that everyone would die from boredom!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "Meh, meh meh!" He mocked under his breath. "My name is Zim and I don't know how to have fun! I'm a stupid alien who won't share his candy with anyone but himself!"

"I am none of those things, except an alien!" Zim said, sounding bored.

Dib jumped up onto the table, pointing at him. "Aha! You admit you're an alien! I got you!" He started dancing on the table. "I got you, I got you, I win! I'm the best!"

Zim gritted his teeth. "Get. Off. My. Table!"

Dib did a crane position, balancing on one foot, and jumped off the table. "HIYA! JUDO KICK!" He flew though the air and landed on the ground, kicking GIR in the face.

The robot fell onto the floor and started crying.

Zim stood up, knocking over his chair. "Okay, that's it, you need to calm down! No more sugar for you!"

Dib scoffed. "Who do you think you are, my dad?"

Zim grabbed him by the arm "Get out of my house right now!"

"You wanna get kicked in the face, too?" Dib threatened. "I'll do it! I'm crazy!"

"Finally, something we can both agree on." Zim muttered under his breath.

"I HEARD THAT!" Dib said, pointing at him.

Zim leaned forward and tried to bite Dib's finger, but the human pulled away before he could.

The human laughed. "HA! You missed! Looks like you're not as great as you think you are!"

Zim slammed down another card. "Sit down right now, and be calm! I can't have you running around like a crazy person while we're playing our game!"

Dib groaned."Fine!" He plopped down into his seat. "Prepare to lose, alien scum!"

"Oh, we will see about that!" Zim said with a grin.


End file.
